I would like Al Quida to strike UPS

I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy. Very busy. I'm very busy today in fact, but I'm taking time out of work to relate a little anecdote from my experience with UPS over the past few days. In short: I hope you die, bitches.

I live in a tiny apartment in NYC... an apartment with no air conditioning, mind you. So, a few weeks ago I decided to check out PC Richards & Son and see about upgrading into the 20th century. After some deliberation I purchased an A/C from them which was to be shipped by UPS ground the following week.

Friday March 16: I get an email stating my A/C has shipped with a tracking number. I check the tracking number on UPS.com and get the results, "cannot find specified tracking number." Hm. No luck Saturday or Sunday.

Monday March 19: My package finally appears online when I use my tracking number. Knowing that I have to sign for the package and that there is no way I will be able to get off work to make the delivery, I called the 1-800 number to schedule a different delivery time. The rude lady on the other end of the line informs me that I can't make any scheduling changes until after the first delivery attempt has been made. She tells me they will leave a delivery slip with a number to call.

Thursday March 22: My first package slip appears on the door. I had been checking every day this week but no signs of it. But hey, at least now I can schedule a delivery.

Friday March 23: I call and I am greeted by the automated line which informs me that my package has had 3 delivery attempts and that I must now go pick it up from the distribution center. Confused, I check the tracking number online and sure enough it says they tried to deliver Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Funny how I never got the notice. So I call back and explain the situation to a new lady who is equally as rude as the first but provides me with the added bonus of smacking her gum loudly over the phone throughout the entire conversation.

I explain my situation and ask if it would be possible for a Saturday/Sunday delivery as it indicates that as an option on the (one) package slip I got. She informs me that because the package is shipped "ground," delivery is only available Monday through Friday. Ok, so what if I paid you a fee to have it delivered on the weekend? No. Ok, so if you deliver it on a weekday can I get a time frame of when it will be delivered so that I can try and get off work to be home? No, they will deliver between 7am and 9pm. Ok.... maybe I can work from home that day, do they at least call me when they get there so I can come down and sign for it? No. So basically, what you are telling me is that in order for UPS to actually deliver this package to me, I have to take a full day off work and stand on my front steps from 7am to 9pm waiting for the truck to arrive? Yes.

Right. Ok, so delivery is out of the question. What about if I come and pick it up (which interestingly enough the UPS distribution center is actually further away from my apartment than the PC Richards & Son store). Can I pick it up sometime this weekend? No, the distribution center is only open Monday-Friday. Ok, could I come get it late next week as I will be out of town Monday-Wednesday? No. We will only hold the package through next Wednesday before shipping it back. So basically what you're telling me is that UPS does not actually ship in New York, and exists in this city solely to frustrate and antagonize its customers? Yes.

Ok, I made that last question up but I think you get the point. For this particular transaction, UPS has charged me both time and money, and provided me with absolutely no goods or services save for the one package slip taped to my door. For all intents and purposes, that is the economic equivalent of rape.

The only saving grace to this situation is that I may be able to get out of work early next Wednesday, drive back into the city, and pick it up before the distribution center closes. Then the only problem revolves around the fact that the package weighs 81 pounds and I've got 5 flights of steps.