Disney's new socio-political agenda

It's good to see Disney World getting back to what it does best: murdering people. Sure enriching the hopes, dreams and imaginations of young children has merit... but so does population control. And I argue that Disney's new focus is both ingenious and incredibly socially responsible.

You can see this current theme universally throughout their amusement park renovations over the past few years. Newest Rides: Speed Test Track at Epcot, Aerosmith coaster, and "Mission: Space." Attractions that have bitten the dust: the gondolas from Tomorrow Land to Frontier land, the wheel of progress, and of course Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Now when you arrive at the park you better be committed to amusement. Hop on rides with a fierce determination and hang on like your life depends on it... because it will.

Personally I think Disney's new Darwinian approach to theme parks is good for society... overall it's a very well thought out plan of population stabilization for the future. Step 1: Lure in the masses with sugary snacks, thrilling rides, illegal immigrants dressed in animal costumes, and of course- balloons. Step 2: Herd them onto the population thinning machines... errr I mean rides. Step 3: Let the rides work their magic and watch as only the elite strongest members of society emerge from the exits, entertained and ready to procreate a new master race.

Now I know what some of you are thinking... this sounds a bit like Nazi Germany. But I urge you, don't be so hasty to judge. Did Nazi Germany have a ride with spinning tea cups? I submit that they did not. Anyplace with spinning tea cups obviously has the best interest of humanity in mind. How can it not? Exactly.

Now granted, things are getting off to a slow start. Since last summer, the parks have only managed to "thin out" two people. But I haven't lost faith. Implementing a widespread social policy agenda takes time. Achieving results in long-term population control starts slow at first- just ask the Chinese government.